I only love hIm

Thursday, September 27, 2007 ; 3:53 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

mrs choo and mdm prima and friends cried.
it's a sadness that that friend had leave.
well. dun be too sad.
because he's not totally gone.he's still living in everyone's of your heart.

sians.mr chua did hv the power to make me cry
i hardly cry.hao bu rong yi bear untill cant cry
now he make me cry
his words is hurt. but understand that he meant well for me.
idun blame him.
well wrote a letter to him that. i had come up to here so far.
i wont give up my A MATH der.
i believe i can do it. [[eli said " believe in urself"]]
well other than him, no one said that to me.
she reminded me of wad he said. haish.
yes i do. and i can. =)
SS gona complete 3 chapt.
MATH im still working on the revision paper one >.< size="1">DAMN IT
WAD DUH HELL.
I DUN

DAMN IT
wads wrong with me.
SS chapt i only compelete on chap of revision
intend to study that what i think might come out for essay.

DAMN IT.
my math paper one.
i got so itterrible many wrong
wads wrong with me.

DAMN IT!
uhs. im not gona failed
thought of giving up
but im not . i dun want end up.
date failed. exam failed.
everything failed.
so wad if im a failure.so wad i hvnt chg totally
this time round im not fail.

NOT GONA.
im not gona to countinue thise ahbby personality of mine manns.
pls . mans . i dun want just words.

DAMN IT
WADS WRONG WITH ME?!
thought i said im not gona look at him.
thought i said im not bother. why do i still help him behind his back
thought i said im not care.
thought i said im not look across my window
thought i said im not gona put the book beside me whenever i sleep.
end up. i failed.
i help him still .
my eyes cant get off from him.
im still looking across.
im still worrying when it rain. when my head hurt

sickening. "wo zhen de zhen de heng tao yan ni"
the tone, the voice, the sound is still roaming in her mind.
All the memories too.
bad and good kept roaming and whirling. is tiring.
yeah. she took a deep breath.
think for a few second. and tell herself,he might not know how she had help him behind his back.depsite all shoutings and hatred he had for her. she said. that yes i do.i still love him. but it will be keeping silently to herself now.

QI SHI HAI HENG AI NI <3

haish. buais for now. =(

unblock me, wont you? =(

Wednesday, September 26, 2007 ; 1:47 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

edited post.

FUCK OFF. NAH BEI. CHEE BYE. KAOBEI UHS.
U ARE NOTHING BUT ONE BITCHY BITCH.
WHO CAUSE URSELF TO BE SHABBY.
LAM PA UHS!

mei you wo de chun zai
ni xiao de kai xin
kuai le de qi lai. jiu hao le.
ye xu , bu, shi zhen de, mei le wo.
ni de sheng huo you neng duo zhi duo cai, bu zai gan dao ren he de kun rao le.
kan dao ni kuai le, dan ran wo ye kai xin.
jia you bahhs! =)

my heart sank. i was on the brink of tears. i sobbed sorrowfully with a heavy heart.but it seems that the hurt is too deep to the pit that there's barely any droplets of tears rolliing down anymore. no more. i want to cry my heart out, but i know that if i give into my sorrow and pain , i will give in nd cried non stop. for now , there aint any words to express my agony.
intend to tell him that i might be admitted to the hospital soon. but since i made him so fed up and made his day so damn it and lousy he got me not to contact him lers. so i wont ler bahhs.

at this kind of situtation tell ler. so wad? i m not those who bo qu tong qing xin and let him dun hate me. tell ler ,so wad? he might just say. orhs.ok then u take good care of urselves bahhs.at this point this is the most he can say.wad can i do?
wo wu neng wei li uhs! sha xin he nana uo tou ding ler .
hai neng zhuo shen me? use to use his love to heal my wound. wad about now?
hatred or love?

So since i had step into his life,
i bring him nothing, but sorrow and pain.
i distrupt his life, and he do hate me that much.
seems that he have hatred for me that deep.
guess that he might thinking why would he fall for a gal like me , and must be feeling very regretful for knowing me, and letting me step into his life.
i know that by saying sorry means nothing or make up anything, but i still want to tell him im sorry. that wo rang ni de sheng huo shou dao le zhen me duo zhen me duo de ku rao.
Alright . im a bad gal.
defenitely a bad bad gal whom i cant compare with
just like he said im alr a proffessional.
im nothing in his life. by stepping into his life would make his life turn upside down , would turn his world into a a topsy tursy world. by stepping into my life, would bring him even more hatred and pain. i understand. im just a bad gal .a bitchy bitch. who is nothing but shabby.
perhaps other people are thinking im not worthwhile for his love towards me. does he thought the same way? maybe.... i dont know neither do i dare or want to make a wild guess.

i dun wish to care or bother anymore.
no more. throw bahhs. dun return bahhs.i got extra dic for nx yr O lvl.
just like what he said, dong xi zai, ren dou bu zai le.
you shen me yong uhs.okies im really a bad gal.
i dun care ler. i dun bother liaos.NO MORE.i wont contact him lers no more. wait till he contact me.
there aint any other alternative ways for such a bad gal like me.bitchy bitch.
hate me with all ur might . if by hating me can let u feel beta then go ahead
if u thk is a waste of time and energy, up to you. not my prob. none of my concern. no more.
really. i will contact u no more. but just to wait for you that day.

ru guo ni ye ting shuo,
you mei you xiang guo wo
ru guo ni xiang dao wo,
ni shi bu shi hui xiang dao wo dai gei ni de gan shang ne?
shi de hua, wo ning ke ni dang wo bu chun zai.mian de zi ji xin xiang le
zhen heng geng sheng.

shall end here todays.haish ='(

Tuesday, September 25, 2007 ; 5:11 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

aft those few words above.
me and him had a "tiff' again.
i rell dun know why and wad he want.
is third time lers.exam the following day sure got this stuff.
h's awhile cold and hot.
really just so dun know wad he want.
intend to tell him i might admitted to the hospital the next few days,but now.
he got me not to contact him.which mean once again i cld only wait for his contact again lers!
so therefore.no matter wad happen, if im wadeva or so i will get someone to tell him aft his O

no matter what.
how cold or how hot.
how he treat her
she put up she dun mind.
because.
BEndan loves shagua <3

; 4:13 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

as i expected aft a so so happy day

following day is... SHI WANG.

nvm drop that. cuz i knwhow to cheer myself up!

by..hahas see below lorrs =P

bleahs!

yeah narain let me off early today,

which mean i dun hv to stay up till so late

and i can prepare for my eng exam soon

hahas.which is tml?

hahas. sians.

exam phobia again! worry. no more confidence.

dun ask me why! cuz i dun even know why.

come on .sheng uhs a la uhs gei wo li liang bahhs.

sians. wish wish ..i wish upon the sparkling star , the balloon fairy.

there' s one thg or one oer which i knw can make me feel beta. will it come true?

call.sms.hi bye.all can. as long as is from the per i wanted. ppl who know me well will know who ders.

sians. sleepy in class.

fall asleep in lit.heng uhs.narain nv scold me

thanks sir! =)

my mind was distracted again.like i said wang xiang zheng.

muhahas..

i realise that whenever i walk pass him i feel like laughing.

non stop

dun know why.his hairstyle is beta than before.

but still LOLS.

then today i realise i 2nd time FA HUA CHI.

i find that he's geting charming,esp when i saw him took off his spec with his new hairstlye

WAN MEI WU XIA UHS!

i then kept smiling to myself non stop.

alright im crazy okies.

i told my friend.

how i wish is like jeena say . "TEMP BREAK ONLY WAD"

sians. this shuai ge now temp doesnt belong to mine.

if he's still mine now.

i wld defenitely run ard and said.

I HAD A CHARMING PRINCE BY MY SIDE, AND I LOVE HIM!

if i were to intro to others.i wld had said.

HE'S MY DARLING AND CHARMING BOYFRIEND.WO AI TA!

but for now i cld only tell sawchiu and myself .my god. my darling is so charm. =P

[[darling.ur haorstyle is nice =))]]

Sunday, September 23, 2007 ; 7:18 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

IM JUST SO SO HAPPY.
THANKS SHAGUA

hahas before i post anything i decided to post some pictures
if i dont manage to post smth i shall continue.emanwhile enjoy the pic first .hahas =D

MISS JESS photo.
ps:if u think that after viewing my pic u will vomit,having endless nightmares.
ur scress will burst, or any negative effects, it's best u dun view these pictures =)
THE pic is place accordingly from the most ugliest to the most prettiest ones.
muhahs.

and here goes her pic...

MISS JESS; in her white coat

JESSIE is SMILING

JESSIE IS SMILING AT THE MIRROR.

ahem;physics:angle of relfection is equal to angle to incidence =)

JESSIE's nature smile .

JESSIE:THE TOP RATE FROM THE

miss jess in white coat =D

MISS JESS; the michiveous && SunSHINE && HILARIOUS

WOOTS! =P

JESSIE; shine on me

JESSIE; IM THINKING ...

JESSIE; YEAH! the HILARIOUS ones

the top rate from the MISS JESS ; michiveous &&SUnshine&& HILARIOUS =D

TING WEI =))

TINGWEI; upside down. =P

TINGWEI; i love my watch =))

TINGWEI; missing you <3

TINGWEI ;im thinkning of you,boy. u made me smile :D

TINGWEI IS HAPPY!

hahas.i eat loads of delicious food today .

there's VEGETARIOAN FOOD FAIR held at tianhui and tianguo

glad that i dint went to tg , if not will bump into yi de

by then i will SOS again for my darling.in my mind.i will go berserk manns.

hahas.woots.alright all this while this's the only day i ate the most.

i ate to OTAK. hahas all hand made der.

then the ASAMFISH in wrap in the bana leaf =P

i even ate LAKASA [[ gosh the hot soup spilled on my pant. it was damn hot.it's boiling but i keep it mum and told jiayan im alright.hahas.dun wana anyone to worry,but in fact it was damn hot and pretty boiling.]]

i ate KOROPOK.

i ate chocoate fruit.

i ate XIU MAI.

i ate SUSHI

i ate many many more.

okies.it was once or twice a yr so eat loads.mummy only gave me 5 dollar coupuns

hahas wondering why i eat so much bahhs? SHAR WITH MY JIA YAN.hahas.

yeah! i saw JESSLINE.she brg her bf along to qiudao too.hahas

hmms.waiting for her pic . i took the pic with her.hehes!!!

Not only that, hahas. HE SMS ME!

i got shock.rub my eyes twice.am i dreaming? or is this illusion.

hehs.wahhs.hmms.wait a min

he got a1 why i must then got a1 or 2.

eks.not fair one ders.where got like that ones.

discuss with jk bro my compo.

dots somewhat bian ti

first time write so badly.and hors.

no link. chi cant ger disctinction so all the while must speak more mars.

why english?diaos -.-

aiyas but who care.wad matter most i APPRECAITE IT.hahas

i feel like running ard telling my gd friend. my darling msg me lers wors.

wana tok to him longer on phone.but thk will kana reject bahhs.becuase i had been rejected manytimes last timemiracle.lols. the reply for him consist loads of smiling faces.

cuz im really HAPPY.

[[hehes!!darling wana tell you.must JIAYOU too okies.hahas. all da best .bless that u aim and score ur goals.wana tell u .hahas. no matter what i will support u ders. lols . i will be right here for you whenever u need me,meanwhile must take care loads loads uhs. >.<>

MIRACLE.thanks mummy .

im touch. u actually helped me ransacked the filty bin?!

and search for my precious cherish heart necklace.

which dad had threw away.

you told me it shows that it's gone. i tot so too.

but then we MANAGE to FIND it BACK.

therefore so sorry to say that the words u said i dun take it seriously anymore.

if it really wanted it to be gone. why would we still find back

beside the bin is SHOO...

to find it back is just like hai do lao zhen uhs! =))

Saturday, September 22, 2007 ; 3:16 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

okies.

ORAL- conversation.
1. tell me abt ur grandparent.

and i said. well . since young i had a grandfather.
but he died. because he drank too much alchol and contracted with cancer.
when my mum brought me to the funneral. i was still a kid.i dont know what's going on.few days later then my mum told me,because i kept pestering and ask her.
and of cos i felt depressed at that time. he really dote on me. though i dun like him becaus ehe is somwhat baised.cos he like seems to care more for my younger sister.however, he protect me.wheneven my dad wana punished me by asking me to kneel down ,he will defend for me and scolded my dad instead. when i threw tantrum,he will buy sweets for me =)

2. would u rather confide in ur friends or family?

and i said.friends.because parents tend not to be veru understanding.
as the elder of this family all they want is only to set a good example an be respondsible for everything.they kept on nagging days and night.no break.and they ask many many personal Q abt me and my boyfriend. ask untill veyr detailed.
whereas my best friend,she wont she will just listen or advice to me.
she wont ask untill detailed. and more. but i forgotten what i had said. hahas
[[well. i believe that i can say even better than that.but it's over nvm. guess i get a band 2 for it.sians aiming for band one . but it's alright as i know that i had tried my very best and effort =)) ]]

CHINESE PAPER

whoos.with my xing mu zhong de darling's dic nothing will goes wrong =)
is the timing! dots. sians.i chose newspaper report asking abt the aging population.saying that elderly in spore had manage to exren their life expectancy untill 80yrs old.comment pls. -.o
sorry. i hv no much comment.end up i wrote SS and GEOG thg inside.
usually i dont get more than 14 for ying yong wen,teacher said because wrong words.and dun hv ant profound words inside.so this time round i only act one sentence which is JIA YOU YI LAO,RU YOU YI BAO. =)
not profounnd enough, but at least there's still some chinese idioms inside.ahas.
comprehension. ask u to create one idiom on parents too , and i wrote "FUN MU GEI YU HAI ZI DE AI SHI WY TIAO JIAN DE".hahas

OKIES.chg topic. sickening.
today from toa pah yoh run untill orchard.dun hv physics!
bluff me.still said toa pah yoh hv.hehs kana "scolded" by sawchiu in food court. =(
i told her that the place she seating on is he seat der .and more.
then she said "ur laogong here,u still thk of others. how dare you uhs . dun wana talk to you lers" hahs.weis SAWCHIU. u oso mars.talk to that peanut. still dare to sae me! hahs.
sawchiu.hehes wana buy cloth for me ders.weis. but u save more more money first.
i still owe u present.will gib der.wont run away der.u man man lai first.hahas. dun want wait u become bomker like me.next time when u got many many money lers.then tell me hors.uhs then i allow u buy for me.rmb the soya ice cream? it fall off from the cone yst.WHOOS!
jia you for Ns uhhs. lets strive hard and enter same poly tgt . hehed =)

back here.i dun deny the fact that..yesh im thking of him days and night.
sometimes even before i went to bed i will look across to his block.
almost every night i guess.so near yet so far. hahas. few times i kept scolding myself.
dun thk of him ler lar.study!hahas.few days went to orchard.cini there.
memories came back. but i assure myself that. i still love him cuz i really love him.
not cuz of memories.im really scared.his feelings had fade towards me.is not that i dun trust him is feeling matter. just like i mention in my last post before. Love is not abt trust, but it cant be without trust.but there's still some fear.but then i told myself. what's mine will be mine,what's not will nv be.let fate be. let destiny be. what's meant will be. if we do hv the destiny and fate again,we met on the future.maybe just not the right time. though the thought of that makes me feels beta.but it made me feel even worse. dun know why. smile seems to be fading away.broken smile ,maybe? hahas. dun knw why too. When im sad or wana cried on bed at night .i will thk of our happy memory which i know it will make me feel defenitely beta. just one wrong sms to him . he did reply. aft i reply ,except that he might not reply again maybe he dun know wad to , dun want to, or doing some other stuffs.dun blame him. i hv no rights.
admit that jealousy did take place on thurs.how i wish im her. but i know im not. neither i can be. after all is just his friend.y wld i...?sians. guess he did that to me b4 and im missing it.i ran to FADZilla and told her.hahs she comfort me.thansk gal. i love you!hahas.

i also dun deny the fact that. though i had not been contacing him
i still do hv the temp and thoughts of calling or chatting.
but im just holding on to the temptation.i only knw im missing him days and night.
and im thking of him too. always. but badlyrecently. whever i go,as long as i told sawchiu smth. she will said me "UR LAOGONG HERE.STILL THK OF OTHER MAN!" haha.
bleah like i care.sawchiu u oso marrs,MAPLING parly train,but most of it , is buz of the GODLYPEANUT! bleahhs.still sae me. hahas.

[[ darling.hows ur revision.hahas o lvl ard the corner.study hard uhs .mms dun stress too uhs.
hmms. hahas i wana see u play bb.hehes. my bear bear lehhs.still at TV there uhs
if so,hao liao ler lar.stop putting there.wait he got JNG SHI,then u know uhs. my handsome bear bear dun wear specs derss.hahas.must take good care of urself ok!miss having dinner and chatting with you. love you <3]]

argHHH.i wana sae.

i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you

&& im still loving you.missing you infinitely <3

Tuesday, September 18, 2007 ; 5:45 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

okies.finally set a pw of 0204 in here.
erms,yeas 0204 stands for 2nd o april.
which represent something.and i guess this pw will be more easier for u guys and him to rmb as well bahhs.
wahhs.stress uhs. see uhs! todae 2 to 4 ppl were having their lunch, while im having my ss test,who got me to early departure last weeks.sians =(
then continue up to 4 got LIT! i simply love lit class today,hahas.
ohs.then continue to 6 self study!
now everyday got to stay back untill 6 lers.basically i only fail amath and e math.ok they are more concern about my E math,and i failed it. well was about to the boder line grade.but they said that im in danger zone,because we need sc math and mt to promote! uhs! then tml got ORAL. stress.pic discussion i had lost confidence in it liaos,wad to do. i need some support.
yeah.for those who know me well , will know i wana whose support derr bahhs.
then thurs got E and A math test! Fri MT EOY liaos.then next week more EOY exam coming.
and i realise that i still have MORE TO GO!SICKENING!
OKIES>STOP ALL SCH WORK STUFF>STRESS ENOUGH.
believe that next ys things will get even tougher.

yet,this whole week im lacking of sleep.why? basically i sleep at late nigth.wake up damn early.
then uhs. sigh.wad's wrong with me manns. in class not attentive enough!somewhat got distracted by his stuff these few days for no reason.think i got wang xiang zheng.nvm.
haish.confide in sawchiu alot.thanks SAWCHIU for comforting me abit bahs.LOLs.aiyas she now gona be xing fu soon lers. while im waiting here to wait for mine to come back. i saw smth . and i think it's defenitely right .
"love is not trust.but it CANNOT be WITHOUT trust"
i told her i admit the since the entire break that days after .
i did ask myself.i love him still or is she just still living in the memories?
i did ask myself.i do love him or do i have feeling for him still.
i did have the thought of giving up too.i was thinking if he do have feeling for me or had fade totally.INITIALLY.my ans was, NO. i no longer love him . i had no more feeling for him. she had forget him.

But LATER ON, i realise that she could no longer decieve herself.
each time her friend told her ' i saw ur boyfriend at ....", or "how's u and ur bf"
all Q that got to do with him,her heart started to tremble. xin dou zai fa dou.
each time she see him, her heart was bumping.she was hoping he wont get to see her ,but in fact in her heart she was expecting him to turn his head and talk to her.at least a smile or hi.
she's happy too.
and each time it rain ,my first thought will be him.
i still start to think dun tell me that he's drenched running in the rain again.
when my head ache, i still think of him.how about him is his head feeling better isit reacting or so.
when ppl played or bully me. i will started to call "UHS! i want my dalring~" "where is my darling" ...
Whenever i saw some boys playing BB i wld run there hope to see playing the Ball too.
and many more to list. then i realise that i was just deceving herself for the sake of running away from the worries and pain.but now i decided to face the reality.face the fact. be true to my own feeling. the truth was actually i still do love him still and dun wish to forget him.i decided to endure and wait.regardless wad the outcome will be, as long as i thinks that this path is worth for me walk on ,i will walk with no regrets. if enduring is a pain or toturing in the first place, then i wldnt had choosen to wait. i am stuborn like an OX. therefore once my stand is firm , nothing shall change my mind.

i even told her that if we dint got a chance to patch, never and dun say sorry to me because im to blame for not cherishing him the right way in the first place.
but if we get a chance to patch and be back together i would like to tell him that thanks for letting me love him right once again.lets put the unhappiness past behind continue and move on to welcome our new love life story.

Wherever i go.
the SECRET is driving me crazy.
passer by walk pass me even mention it
whichever shop i walk pass also played the songs!
even my sawchiu lg also teast me with it.
sians. sawchiu dun wan u buy disc for me. u niid to save money ders.
jk bro wana treat but i dun want.
no matter what i INSISTED i told my friend.i trust him.he say will buy means will buy der
will watch with me means will ders. in terms or whatever status are we. i trust him
im not gona to doubt any single thg like what i did in the past lers!NO MORE.

my friend ask me these.
arent u afraid that he might change his heart?
arent u afriad that feeling might fade?
and my answer was as long as we trust each other,and we still have each other in heart
things might get well.i do have faith and have trust in him. he wont run away ders.
no matter what he will give me an answer.
"LOVE IS NOT TRUST,BUT IT CANNOT BE WITHOUT TRUST"

In my heart,he's forever my darling. he's irreplacable.
Just got to endure for weeks only. i believe i can do so.meanwhile i only wish that he's fine and healthy.darling pls if u are reading this , dun overwork or so ,ehs? dun blame me for nagging or so . keep repeating the same point of not to overwork or so. cuz im really afraid and worried for you. i dun want ur head to pain agian,though i dun know how hurt it feels but i know it can be very painful.and u kept thinking of JIAN FEI for wad!~sians. if u are fat i wldnt had want you lohhs. XD but even if u are fei, no matter what u turn into i will still love you. appearance doesnt matter much . u really got charming side lars. even ur mummy thk so.bleahs =P
eat ok? hahas.anyway i believe u will still eat somwhat cuz u seems to love to eat.esp when the food is yummy hahs.how i wish i can see u play and trippling the basketball again.hahs must take care load uhs.meanwhile will miss you loads ders X)

my eyes vision is blurry right now
my health is not that good recently.
so now i shall stop blogging here
and continue tml?
hahas.tc and night! =D

Saturday, September 15, 2007 ; 5:13 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

Before i start gona post the pic that alice and me took yst .hahas ..and here it goes sha la la la~

Jess with Alice ; smile =)

Jess With Alice ; The gals =D
The vintag pic. =)

Jess with Alice; ah bash!

okies.DONE!

and now my day goes like this...

LOLS.
just chat with serwee a while online
longtime nv chat with her lers.LOLS.
ohs!YEAH.HAPPY 16 BADAE TO SAWCHIU!
uh huhs.morn.all of them were late.diaos.hahsa.but nvm lars.
aiyas. wells. saw her walking at the bridge.called her names.
and then. hahas. wells. perhaps im not a good liar?
ok she seen thr me,dots.aiya.yrs lers.nt surprising at all nars.but at first i manage to trick her
that was gd enough.hahs.photos all those with alice.waiting for her to send me =))
hehes.ps! i dint send gibb u any present yet.but u are desiring for that watch ,ehs?
LOLS.hahas.happy and HIGH.
Went to TOWN! along the way, the staff from BOSSINI were giving away lolipops.ops. hahas.
we collect over ten sticks.they kept distributing.woots.yumy yum! and thenwe were like crazy girl~ taking their balloons.
it's simply so sickening,but fun =))
erms. hahas. then we went to CLARK QUAY [isit spell that way??hahs.i'd forgotten]
we went to the new mall.it was not fully open yet.i mean the shop!we went to the river by.
hehes.ppl were on the boat they were so friendly.and we wave to each other.mad,ehs?
lols.
we hold two balloon each,and i decided to let off one. woows. we wish upon a balloon and let it fly off. high high high.the balloon seems to fly beyond cloud ! hope that our wish had been recieved. on my whole journey i kept singing.AI WO HAO MA.hais it said out my thoughts and feels.and then sawchiu was like addicited.lers.woows~=))
then we went to causeway.hahs on our way we she were talking abt her peanut. and im talking my own ders.hahas. we share how they confess,looks and loads more.hahas.we saw many budget accessories.mend for prom night?hahas.and we decided. buy from there next there.
hahas.SAWCHIU ur BDAE! must CHEER UP!dun bother both of them lers lars.
u this yr N lvl must get below 10 pts ders wors.if not how to get to sec 5?MUST GET altright
i wana to be in the same POLY as you ders ,ehs?okiies. hahas
YEAh!hahas. gona do my own work lers.
take care =))

[[Shagua.sians.i miss u loads.heard that ur mummy ask u for opinion on specs colours.aiyas.hahas.she asked me too.lols.i wana said oranage.but then i find it somewhat abit guai? wana white at first.but then i said beta NOT.hahas.cuz hmm.ya. lols.guess now u must had been work hard and play hard as well! take
care uhs. i miss you loads =)) qi shi hai ai ni<3]]

okies.today most sickening thg is. her friend play and tells her that the bu neng shuo de mi mi de disc is out! she played the song. a starnger walked pass and talk abt it. and said " ohs.bu neng shuo de mi mi uhs?" she walk pass the shop and she heard the song too! diaos -.-
her friend wana buy disc for her. her somewhat bro at first wana watch withher though he had watch with her gf.but she insisted NO.cuz she believes that one day he will watch with her.in regardless of what status.he said before he will buy,and he will.he said he might would had watch it with her. and she knows he surely will.she trust him . and have faith in him. she's not gona suspect if had he buy and dint ask her over. or so. she just simply trust what he said! lbeahs XD

Friday, September 14, 2007 ; 5:04 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

well.friend.supposingly shd be fine.
but bcuz of feeling dun wana tok.
it simply hurts alright.
but she accept it cuz at least she knows wads going on.
drop that topic.just hope thgs will get well for the gals bahhs.

CHA JIAN ER GUO de feeling.
WEI ZHUANG de feeling.
feel so eeks! not that they or perhaps she
cant brought up herself.just that. hais. hard to say.
but this kind of feeling simply feel so ..duhs.
type "i miss you" all these. in that msn window without entering it.
look stupid.but she's still doing it? -.- diaos

AMATH.thanks for mr chua who had not been giving up on me.
though i got zero for it i appreciate it. =))
tml celebrate sawchiu birthday in the morn.whoas.her birth wows.
recalling back to my own ones too.

sickening lars.tml will be beta.SAWCHIU badae lehhs.give it a smile =))
alright i know that's being stupid and lame.continue blogging =))
SHE MISS HIS TEAchINg in CHEMISTRY.he taught well.
&& JESS; jovial.QI SHI HAI AI NI

[[shagua.today got eat or not?hahas. dun worry u wnt turn fat der lars.try to turn in early,ehs?must take good care of ur health wors.r,b to dry ur hair before u went to bed.and sleep with some cloth of u pls~ if u didnt.misstalkingyouyou.missdinnerwithyou.iloveyou]]

will a puff or drink really solve?

Thursday, September 13, 2007 ; 3:54 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

sians,if she had know she wouldnt had chose to early depart todae. get accused.and her mummy shouted loudly in the car,in sch dun noe for wad. wads more i do nth. if not for the pain is reacting all over.alright.somwhat serious pain.though she look perfectly alright.is just trying or acting to put on an strong front.if not for thisshe wont early depart too.forget it next time even if she pain untill she faint off. she also wont call them and ask for early depart. they dun bother.they just keep on accusing her only.well get use to it.dun wish to complain much.no use anyways. wads more. Doubt there's any one more person bother.

SCIENCE DAY TODAY! Reach home early.of cos do her revision wells.miracle. her could just seat down there for almost 3 hrs and just revise and study for her chemistry.alright ocvered two chapters lers. at night gona continue. u may still call or sms her if you want to. dun worry =) A math.sickening.i shd prepare ONE WHOLE DAY for a math. if not VP gona see me or mdm chin gona see my parents again then i kana again.sians uhs.

she can hear her stomach making noises! never got a proper meals for days.no appetite for this few weeks.haiis. nvm faint lers also nobody knows nobody cares.she will hv a feast appeitie..only when..muhahs. those who know her will know ders.XD alright gtg off. =)

[[Darling, hmms.must eat ,ehs?LOLS. aiyas, gain fat then excercise lors. u not really any that fat anyways.if u are ..erms... hahas.nvm.aiyas just eat dun like me now cant eat anything much.im sure u wont become like me ders lars. u love to eat. hahs.AHHHH....feel like watching u playing BB!sians.i miss having dinner with you wors.but now i dun thk can bahhs. wait aft ur O lvl.sians.UHS! i miss you so much =) <3>

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 ; 9:34 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

Not forgetting today.
he expected.and she knows he will yet still take the risk.
somehwat tele?
she aboard the bus and alight at the next stop
then kana caught by WOSONG SIR! sians -_-"
surpringly, shagua still know how caught ppl.
diaos

her friend ask her what happen to your bf,hows u and boyfriend
and her reply was obviously yeah,thought i told u before we break quite a while.
so he's no longer my bf?hahas.
but then she replied, but TEMPORARY only what. -_-"
how she wish is also temp.how she wish after exam can be back tgt.
how she really wish is also temp.but is WISH.it's UNCERTAIN yet.
The only one thing person can certain is the uncertainity.

shd she said that she is happy or depress or worried.
it seems that all sort of feelings arouse is her heart and mind.
happy because she talk to him just now.though she dun seems to cherish but she does alright.
well.Hey hey hey. is not a toture talking to u alright
she's just overjoy to the moon.and her legs was trembling but u dint see it .
bleahs. she's eager to go,cuz really cuz of thy bus and also she alr expected the bus will be full house again. beside her legs were trembling.
depressed because.alright partly sad too.cuz of these words" thinking be with u too long lers. maybe sometime wad u say not sure if is the fact mars. " diaos -_-"
okies.depressed cuz this few weeks she seems dman alright. and happy and fine.but deep in her heart. she was like damn depressed.In order not to cry she filled up her emtyness and sadness with the happy memories they had together.like she wrote to him in the card before.
she wont cry,whenever she gona to she will think of the happy memories.
hais. whoas. she wana thanks u for the drink.
is it tele? LOLS. she was dhytrating from thirst manns.and u bought her a gape QOO~ whoas.
it save her . and it filled her empty stomach somehow.and tonight she really didnt loiter and she listen to u after being caught by you alright. trusy her for this time round okies~

he told her that no.he's not looking pale or so.
he's very happy . 0.o
if he's really happy jiu hao.he's so happy perhaps...blah blah blah
wana know go ask her urself.hehes cuz she dun want her or them to see it =)

thanks friends who do concern and understand her.hahas.
yeahs.though she seems to be alright and fine and happy ,ehs?
but she's not.guess she will be alright soon.
yeah.she's worry sick or scared.thinking if he had lost her feeling towards her totally.or does he still love her or have some feelings for her.but she knew she cant ask at this time.yes or no.eveything after O lvl. we shall know.

she do ask herself Questions.
like. do i still love him or am i just living in the memories?
shd i give up? do i really still love him?
Initially she thought YES. she dun think she love him anymore.she thought she was just living in the memories.but as time went by,she realise that she could no longer decieve herself.
the actual answer is NO. and yes she do! she still do love him and have feeling for him
she dun deny the fact that she was badly hurt and somewhat numb before.but the thought of it she knew she was to blame for those hurt.and then she came out with this certainity answer.
YES! I DO LOVE HIM STILL.WILL BE WAITING WONT REGRET.
she not gona care how ppl look or depise at her. how those girls who were pursuiting for him out there. how ppl critisize her. her love still remains. she will still go on with no regret.
she told herself.she's gona chg for the beta.and if they manage to get back tgt, this time round she defenitely knows how to love him right. and would cherish even more than ever.

[[ Darling, hmm.know what is tou feng lers hors? so bath next time but dry ur hair if not will end up like me.wait become bian tou tong then u know uhs. and hors.again ni you lai liaos.
no matter what u turn into,even into a big fat pig XD. i will still want you ders.hahas.but i know u wont ders. hahas.night.ashiteru,my boii 520 <3>

nothing on this earth can compare with you.words cant even express on all that how i feel my love for you. <3

Tuesday, September 11, 2007 ; 10:41 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

Alright it now going 2 am and im still not sleeping.

whoas.get stuck by this laptop.went to senja and then greenridge.haiis.tiring.

STUDY. intend to complete another part of chpater one for math today.

but i didnt manage to.

Meet saw chiu at ard our estate.

kinda do my chi hm wrk.complete my reamaining work and handed up to teacher.

hahas.

But then later on she confide in me and cried. ='(

i went to buy the tissue for her.and then when i was abt to reach her.

i trip and fall. hahas.my back was hurt again.

sigh.nbvm.it's alright.im okies and find ,saw chiu,ehs?

hahas

SAWCHIU. uh huh. u cant lied to me,

i alr knew smth was not right down there.

OHs wells.listen up gal.dun worry.

u arent that bad as you think.be more optimistic.that was you isnt it?

hahas.dun worries.i will be there for you whenever u need me =)

CHEER UP.it pain to see you so sad.SAWCHIU cheerup.sayangs.hahas.

Later on, i realise my chemi book is at that shagua's hm.

wells. dun dare to sms or call him

intend to blog here.but afraid he might not hv the time to take a look at these post.

for he might be busying PLAYING GAME,WATCHING TV or even STUDYING.

end up saw chiu called him for him,and ask if he wld like to talk to me.

lols.his respond was "YES" lols. alright in madrain =)

hahas. i got so nervous.im mumbling and my hand was like a vit of shaking and i got hold of sawchiu's hand.okies i know it sounds exergrating.but then really nervous.

talking to someone u love and u guys had not been talking a while.out of a blue moon u guys talk on the phone.it was like blah blah blah and there it goes sha la la la. =D

hehs.Defenitely hv a sweet dreams tonight.though it was only a short while.okies.uhms perhaps abit of distrupition because he end with his joke, kb bye.DOTS -_-"

is the word Kb that let me feel ya blah blah blah.

but nvm. anyway i finally got to talk to him and get to meet him to collect my book tml! yipees!

heys u shd be BANDAN.cuz u copyright me talking in a mumble way.Not SHAGUA.

bleahs XD

YEah.frank.i had been holding my temp of contacting him

and was worrying sick for him somehow?

cuz he look a bit pale.guess he's sick or stress bahs.

hope that he's alright and fine.

and i dont know why recently i had a strong feeling of wanting to see him playing BB.but never mins i once had a few click of his tatics ways of playing BB in the basket court before.i just got to click and then the pitures will come out hahas.

beside.yea.feeling down.but the thought of our HAPPY MEMORIES made me feel somehow better.

hahas.

Time to bed and enter my sweet sweet dream land =)

THANKS TO HIM =D <3

[[Shagua.uhms.it kept raining these few days or shd i say week.try not to drenched urself or walk in the rain too much,ehs?i'll be there for u when u need me too <3> wait ur head pain.and rmb DUN OVERWORK urself like u do last time.if u thk playing BB can let ur head not that pain then go ahead.hahas.SLEEP EARLY uhs.DUN BURN TOO MUCH MIDNIGHT OIL.not good ders.gona sleep lers.nIGht <3]]

Saturday, September 08, 2007 ; 2:05 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

SOS.
HELP!
i dun want to go to that talented little man's crush house.
eeks! i dun want.so what if he's talented and dashing.
my god.in my eyes only got my precious.
my mind is only whirl with my darling right now.
sickening!
bring helicotor to save me pls!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Friday, September 07, 2007 ; 3:24 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

Went to pray to godness of mercy,
bless my family friends and lover.
to stay healthy
bless that the world can be peace.
and went home after that.

Thanks boi.
for enlightening me.
im just being zui ying.
think u know that.
my lit 90 =))
thank you.

Beside only then i finally know and see thr myself
im that shabby.and my life in terms of love affair or family or friendship is so crumle is all because of my personality.Hope it's not too late still.
btw im just releastic to only a certain extend.
and some matters.

A ship cant do without a captain.
A child cant do without a mother or a father.
A wife cant do without a husband.
A family cant do without a captain too.
and the captain is the Father
who go through winds and storm to earn his hard earned money for this family.Who always lead the family when there in terms of crisis or good time
NOTHING GOES RIGHT WITHOUT THE FATHER
just like NOTHING GOES RIGHT WHEN THE SHIP IS WITHOUT A CAPTAIN.
if the ship is without the captain the ship will sink.
and in this family.Without my daddy , the family will break up.

There,in here.if u are reading this i would like to apologize to you.
that im sorry. alright.i know sorry wont cure and i know wad u excatly want. i will try to do it with all my best and give what u wanted. and pls do a consult a doc.dun other my sickness.my sickkness is just a small little case.im still young there's still time to heal.But in this family all of us are important,but u as a captain,we cant do without you.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007 ; 11:44 PM?

Baby , i love you so.

no more words to describe how i feel.
is alr down to the pit,that i even myself couldnt even aknowledge for who am i.
im alr more crazy than ever.

sat going to the childhood little crush boy's house again.
i dont want.i only want his helicotor!
sat going for check up again
eeks! i dont want.
it hurts alot.it hurt more than u think it hurts.

if everything could turn back to the past.
there's lot of thing about me i would like to change.
if u ask me again would i love the same person.
i would just said yes.

what's urs will be.
what's not will never be.
When your time's up,you have to go.
If you did good deeds.hevaen might consider to revieve your life.
what's your will always be yours.
What's not will never be.
But of course, i wont seat down there and wait.
Some thing you have to fight for yourself.
When thing's is unsolveable,you just have to wait.
nothing cant be solved.
but for those who dont have much time life
how are they are going to wait?
therefore, they have to live their life to the fullest as long as they are still alive.

some people are born to feed with silver spoon.
some people are born to beg for their entire life.
good,bad is all destined by heaven once born.
never blame parents for borning me, neither do i blame the society to be unfair.
life,fate and destiny are all in the birth chracters once born.

goodbyes =)

; 2:43 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

Friendster Question.
what if ur boyfriend did these because he wana help out her good gal-friend?

1.Hold hand?
uhms.it's alright for me.i can take it.
2.Hug?
uhms.Mian Qiang lars.
3.Kiss?
NO WAY! i forbid.because he's only mine =)
and more Q.not done yet =))
4.What he if betray you?
No he wont. i trust him.

Last Question.
What would u like to tell him?
Boy,if possible i just only u to be my only and last romance =)

uh ohs.more question.not yet done.that's why i skip to the last Question

Today i got my report card from mS tan.
gosh.it was tremendously badly done.
wells.thanks god.at least i got 90 for her lit =))
first time.thanks to my darling.and my last min work.woots.
not going anywhere right after school.
went home.
i groan in pain on the bed.i couldnt even stand up.
her back was aching damn tired.horribly.
that i cried cuz is terribly pain.
thanks god her mum came in time and last min called the doc.
sent me to the doc
well.saddenings.something's wrong with my kidney and head again.
my left side of the kidney is getting weaker.
btw her back is still aching! dots.

The minute i reached home and on my phone.
one msg came in "back :) "
i was still in a daze,who the hell is this.
then i realise that yipess!it was my precious fly back lers.
i squeeze my face into the pillow and smlie.
whoos~yeah.he's back.i miss him back.
uh ohs. a gentle reminder gal.
sicce he's back,he got to study =))
hope to recieve his call.doubt so.
bcuz there put "-" means "in a call"
after all it's just a hope =(
unless there's miracle.

UHms.uh ohs.
Gals,listen up again.i understand how you feel.
im sick and dun wish to repeat much.
i dun deny the fact that yes i still love him.
i dun deny the fact that i made him hurt and fustrated at time.
i dun deny the fact that he hurt me too in some ways.
i dun deny the fact that im happy with him.
i dun deny the fact that im still waiting for him.
and if the answer is positive i sure say " wo yuan yi" if the answer is negative,
i will still love him.
i dun deny the fact that i if he migrate i will get upset and wait for him still,unless he hold another gal's hand and fly back.
i dun deny the fact that,i really still love him deeply and willing to wait for him! and no regrets!wo wei ta jian qiang jiu bu pa xi sheng.
but heys.see.if u manage to win his heart,then go ahead.i dun deny that i will get hurt too.but at least i know u found ur happiness.
i wont stop you neither will i do by all means to break up you two.
i wont be the third wheel. i will bless u both instead.
so dont worry ,ehs?
but if u didnt manage to win his heart,is either you will move him one day.
or you might want to look for ur Mr Right again. before u fall even deeply ,ehs?
Just dont worry and cheer up,ehs?

uhms.back aching.praying that i will recieve my precious call.
got to go >.<

[[darling come back jiu hao bahs.rest well.after days of journey can be a bit tired os so?hopeu have enjoy urself down there.take care wors.]]

alright.here you see.
im not sure if it's getting any worsen and will i be admmited to the hospital.
after thy so call pro doc had say that much.
about my back and kidney and head.
uhs.a promise was made that i hv to tell him
but he got to study and i dun wish to disturb him[uh ohs.though i did] or make him worry.
so should i still?

Sunday, September 02, 2007 ; 1:25 AM?

Baby , i love you so.

Girls, if you manage to win over his heart.
then go ahead.Though she might get hurt,
but she bless the both of you.
so dont bother to find her and ask her even more,ehs?
if you didnt manage to win over his heart,
dun be disheartern,perhaps he will be move by you one day
or find another guy before ur feeling falls deeper. =)

Each time she read other ppl's blog.
how sweet they were tgt.
how happy they were.she's envious.

Each time she saw couples during the break time in the classes.
she dun want to stay in the class.
cuz she know she will be over envious.and thinking back herself she will depressed.

Thinking the scene she kiss the rain,dash across the road.
despite the slippery road made her nearly trip.
she still continue running in the raining, and went to find thy cooling gel.
he shows no apprecation.
If he's really not apprecating it, she got nothing to say.
most imporantly is not if he do appreciated or not.
is that he's pink in health again

She kept making him fustrated.
she dun mean it,but she still does it.
not on purpose.even before he fly over,
to attend somthing, she even made him angry.
when she even have the chance to apologize he said never mind and bye.
it hurts.nothing she could do.
She told him when he's back sms her
perhaps after he fly back he had cool down but dun feel like msging her as he said he will?
she dont know.she just wish he can tell her that's he back,at least she know he's safe and sound.
if he did not,neither will she contact him again not unless very impt or she's terribly sick.
Because she dun want her love to get fustrated by her again.each time he got fed up she will feel depress she will feel guitly and hurt. she will start thinking all her fault.why made his annoyed again.she dun want him to get hurt or annoyed again,becuase she knows that he is studying for this impt exam. So she wont contact him unless very impt or she's terribly sick.Not till he contact her himself.

Sometimes she even thinking why other girls can,
and then she cant.
and sometimes she thought to herself.
if they were together one day,
she could only bless them.

Each time she wana cried or hurt herself,
she swallow her tears and not to do things silly.
For she knows if she give in to her sorrow she will give in non stop,
cry non stop, and no energy for studying.
she also know that if she hurt herself again,
he might get annoyed and unhappy about it .
her friends will worried for her too.

Whenever to make herself not to cry or hurt
she will just think of the happy past they had.

For now there's nothing she could do,
but just to wait untill their date. and love him silently.
she not gona or wana to know who's will be the next passer by to be her next charming prince.
because he left her with an in complete dreams.
and she knows that her heart is already lock to him.
there aint any key to open her heart for anyother passer by again.
because she knows too that,she still love him

[[Darling,u fly back lers mars? i miss you.hmm.study study and study.but dun forget to eat,and dun lei huai urself like last time anymore,ehs? Dun force urself too much ,if u are.take care wors.my boii =)) ]]